It's been a while. Progress is good, life is good.
WEIGHT: 9st 4lbs, that is 3lbs below my target weight - not sure if I should continue dieting.
FOOD: Last night I had a beautiful bream fillet of fish with mixed veg followed by a Sainsbury's Limon Cello desert. For lunch I had the usual crumpet with marmite, tomato, banana, yoghurt. Breakfast I had the usual Waitrose Berry Muesli. For my fasting day yesterday I had Muesli for breakfast, but skipped lunch as I was taking a relative out for a cream tea in the afternoon (pleased to say they are turning the corner health wise). The fruit scone was big, equal to two of the usual size. Covered in cream with strawberry jam on top it went down a treat. Evening I had the Baxter's hearty soup that counts as three of my 5 a day, followed by a nice thick fruit yoghurt - and yes that was within my 800 kcal limit. Thinking about it, I can't really say I'm starving myself, I'm just not eating those choccy biscuits. I think what's making the difference is the 5 day normal/2 day fast routine, as well as eating within the 8 hour window/and nothing to eat the other 16 hours of the day. That's breakfast 11a.m. to evening meal 6:30 p.m.
EXERCISE: Pleased to say that the back is definitely improving. Monday I was able to start doing my stretching routine in the morning after a three week layoff. I also managed to get a long cycle ride in last Thursday, and I hope to get another one in today before the rain forecast for 3 p.m. I have of course continued my daily walk to and from the office, and had a good walk on both days of the weekend.
MOOD: Well I do seem to have turned a corner, I am beginning to feel joy again, something I haven't done for a couple of years now. It would seem that the dieting regime has focused my mind and I have gained a greater insight into the events of the last couple of years. I am aware of changes in my mental faculties and I realize now that I cannot rely on my unconscious mind to manage many of the routine things that we tend to do without thinking. To compensate I have been consciously prompting myself. At first this was actually speaking (silently) to myself, "take the card out of the reader", "lock the door", but now it's an almost semi-conscious process of being aware of my intentions and consciously following through on the action.
I am also aware that the frontal lobes don't seem to be doing as good a job as the "gatekeeper" should be in social control, limiting excessive emotional responses, and negative thoughts (from a psychodynamic perspective you could say my
defence mechanisms are less effective). I have also developed strategies to deal with this. With regard negative thoughts and memories of the past I use the stock phrase "don't prolong the agony". By that I mean if something upset me in the past, then I have already experienced the negative emotional response to it. So if the event is not occurring now, why emotionally put myself through the experience again just because of a memory of it? So I nip negative thoughts and emotions in the bud by mentally repeating the stock phrase, "DON"T PROLONG THE AGONY!"
So yes, joy is returning. Funny, that wanting to lose a few pounds should have led to the opening of so many doors!